The other day I received a letter from my girlfriend in Oregon, which is very unusual to say the least. She and I usually email each other, Facebook each other, or run up a phone bill by talking for hours on end. So needless to say that my heart skipped a beat or two when I saw the return address and NO holiday in sight.
After a few deep breaths I opened up the envelope and found a piece of paper with a post-it not attached saying the following… Put this on your website – PROPER GRAMMAR is SO important!!!
By the time I finished reading the piece of paper, I was in tears…did I mention that she is an English teacher to high school kids and makes the Sunday wine for her church?
So here goes…AND REMEMBER, grammar and punctuation is EVERYTHING!
1. Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help
2. Thursday night: Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Mr. and Mrs Julius Belzer.
6. This Sunday there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the Church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
9. Next Sunday, a special offering will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will please come forward and get a piece of paper.
10. The ladies if the Church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
11. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
12. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, What is Hell? Come early and Listen to our choir practice.
13. Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
14.The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
15. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given tot he church secretary.
16. 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
17. The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
19. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new slogan last Sunday: “I upped My Pledge – Up Yours!”
I hope that you enjoyed these announcements and got a giggle out of them. If you have anything that you would like to have shared on the website, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Have a fun day!